Experience 8 Levels of Hell with Cry-It-Out

No one knows exactly why we sleep, which is crazy since sleep is the Holy Grail every new parent seeks. Why do we need it? One would think that our ancestors who fell asleep would have been mauled to death by jungle creatures, thus dying out and evolving survival super humans that don’t need sleep….

Real Talk Book Review: Goodnight Moon

Quick Synopsis: An unidentified narrator (either God or Rain Man) lists miscellaneous objects in a one-percenter’s room. Meanwhile, a ghost lady creeps on a spazzy rabbit kid. A good read if you: Sucked at iSpy books growing up; Want to be bored to sleep; Believe in ghosts; Are feeling bougie; Don’t care that there are…

Real Talk Book Review: The Giving Tree

Quick Synopsis: A tree sacrifices her life to make some douchebag’s life a little bit more convenient. Good if you like: Listening to Elliot Smith American consumerism Voting Republican Being in parasitic relationships Wasting paper Hating Arbor Day Blaming millenials Sexism I read books to my son for two reasons really:  I get to brag about how…

How Parenting Changed My Life (in at Least 8 Ways)

Today, I realized my life has changed.  Don’t get me wrong, I knew my life changed when I saw a human come out of another human (and when I realized I had to take care of this Russian nesting doll).  But, today is when it was clear how much my life has changed. What made me…

3 Things You Shouldn’t Say to a New Parent (And 2 Things You Should)

  The road to annoyance is paved with good intentions. I think the original saying has something to do with hell, but prophesying damnation has never been my jam and peanut butter. I do, though, know how annoying and frustrating it is to have someone supplant social tact with “good intentions.” No place have I…

A Killer, a Father, and a Son

I’m wrapping my son up in my arms.  We lie side by side, his face nestled into my chest.  Some would look at this scene and think, “Tisk, tisk.  Co-sleeping.  Didn’t you read how terrible that is!?”  Others would think, “You better cut that habit now; he’ll never learn to sleep on his own if…

My greatest hope for my son . . .

There are many things I hope for you.  I hope for you to be happy, to feel successful, to find love, to be self-assured.  I’ll be honest, there are petty things that I hope for you, too.  I hope that you love to cook like I do.  I hope that you enjoy reading, more than…

Real Talk Book Review: Chicka Chicka Boom Boom

Quick Synopsis: A hipster, anti-establishment re-write of the traditional alphabet song, complete with promiscuity, negligent parenting, and celebrity cameos. Good if you like: – Saying, “F— the rules” – Enabling bratty children – Orgiastic parties – Drunken mistakes – Construction paper cutouts – Feeling like a moron coming up with your own melody – Cliff…

My Newborn is An @$$hole

“He’s alive.”  That has been our mantra as my wife and I have officially kept our first born alive for a little over a month.  The fact that all we can say is, “He’s alive,” has nothing to do with our shock at our skill set.  We are more than capable of meeting a baby’s needs,…